Victim Advocate Ashly Delaney (at podium) provides support and offers confidential conversations to students regarding relationships. Photos by Madison DeVore ’25
Empathetic. Activist. Open-minded.
These are three words Ashly Delaney, victim advocate in Eckerd College’s Advocacy Services, uses to describe herself.
With over 15 years in the field and degrees in psychology and criminology, Delaney now serves the Eckerd community by providing support, discussing options with those facing an unhealthy relationship or domestic violence, and simply having confidential conversations with any students who want to stop by during her open office hours.
Delaney led #RelationshipGoals: Intro to Healthy Relationships on Feb. 13, a campus event where students gathered to discuss common indicators of healthy and unhealthy relationships—whether romantic or platonic—even looking through the lens of relationship portrayal in pop culture.
“Show of hands: How many of you at some point in your lives had a sit-down discussion with somebody about sex?” Delaney asked. Most students raised their hands.
“Now how many of you have had a sit-down conversation with somebody in your lives about how to have a healthy relationship?” Fewer hands raised.
Ashly Delaney
Delaney stressed the importance of students giving themselves time to figure out what they want and don’t want in their own relationships.
When asked why it’s especially important for college students—who may be living independently for the first time—to learn about healthy relationships and what they want, Delaney said, “I think that a lot of the experiences that you have in college really shape how you see the world and shape the relationships you go on to have after college.
“The more people get comfortable with identifying things that are healthy and unhealthy and constantly doing that reflection,” she added, “the more likely they’re going to be able to continue doing that reflection in five years and 10 years”—in romantic relationships and friendships.
Delaney fostered a discussion-based event, instead of delivering one-way information. She asked students what they think are key indicators of healthy and unhealthy relationships, before sharing the “Big 10” indicators from One Love Foundation.
Loyalty, respect and honesty were traits students pitched as necessary for healthy relationships, while they mentioned manipulation, overdependence and pressure to isolate from other loved ones as ingredients for unhealthy relationships.
Encouraging further thought on what makes a relationship healthy or not, Delaney brought pop culture examples to the table.
“We were on a break!” students chimed as a photo of Ross and Rachel from Friends was displayed. Chatter and laughter filled the room.
Additionally, David and Patrick of Schitt’s Creek and Noah and Allie from The Notebook were up for dissection. Students were prompted to bring up other relationship representations in media, raising a magnifying glass to the dynamics of Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy and even Lila and Dexter from Dexter.
While the Dexter case was pretty clearly unhealthy, other relationships required deeper consideration. Delaney discussed David and Patrick and the instance where one character was ready to say “I love you” without pressuring the other to say it back. Intensity and love bombing, Delaney noted, are an unhealthy trait, so not rushing a partner into something is key to healthy relationships.
“Why should we avoid saying someone’s relationship is perfect?” Delaney asked.
“You don’t know, like, every single detail of the relationship,” one student answered, while another said, “It’s just not possible.”
We see relationships in snapshots, Delaney explained, rather than the full picture. If somebody’s family and friends are always saying their relationship seems perfect, it may make it difficult for them to speak up, admitting it isn’t, or seeking help if they are facing abuse.
We also shouldn’t be asking, “Why doesn’t this person just leave if things are so bad?” There are a multitude of reasons we can’t see, Delaney pointed out. Whether it’s that a person has been in a relationship long term and feels comfortable, they don’t have a safe plan to leave without fear of abuse, or they just love their partner.
A student raised the idea of finances, marriage and having children together as a barrier to leaving, while another student said someone may focus on the good parts of a relationship and try to ignore the bad.
Students who would like to speak confidentially with Delaney about safety planning or relationships—or who simply want to meet her—were encouraged to visit her office at Brown Hall 123 or contact her via email.
